So I've decided to take on a life of crime.
Not mean, hurtful crimes, but crimes of hilarity. That don't kill.
Basically, I'm saying I don't want to be the Joker.
What I plan on doing is mildly inconveniencing people.
I plan to walk up to some dude in a dark alley and threaten him for everything he has in his pockets. Then I'll take one key off his key ring and give everything else back to him. He'll wonder what that was all about, then he'll get home and not be able to open his mailbox, or get into his file cabinet.
And I will laugh.
Or I'll start closing off small sections of roads he takes to work every day, just so it takes him a little longer.
Or maybe I'll turn off all the coffee machines at Tim Horton's before my mark gets there, so she has to wait an extra few minutes if she wants hot coffee.
Basically, I want to be a criminal mastermind, but I want to be one that isn't really worth arresting.
I want the superhero alliance of Edmonton to show up at my door and give me a lecture on being an all-around dick.
Could you imagine what Edmonton's superhero alliance would look like? I can see at least one of them in Ed Hardy. And another one wearing coveralls. And one with thick-rimmed glasses and skinny jeans. They would probably fight all of the time.
Okay, I am going to wrap this up, 'cause it is by far the weirdest fucking blog post I have ever written.
Not mean, hurtful crimes, but crimes of hilarity. That don't kill.
Basically, I'm saying I don't want to be the Joker.
What I plan on doing is mildly inconveniencing people.
I plan to walk up to some dude in a dark alley and threaten him for everything he has in his pockets. Then I'll take one key off his key ring and give everything else back to him. He'll wonder what that was all about, then he'll get home and not be able to open his mailbox, or get into his file cabinet.
And I will laugh.
Or I'll start closing off small sections of roads he takes to work every day, just so it takes him a little longer.
Or maybe I'll turn off all the coffee machines at Tim Horton's before my mark gets there, so she has to wait an extra few minutes if she wants hot coffee.
Basically, I want to be a criminal mastermind, but I want to be one that isn't really worth arresting.
I want the superhero alliance of Edmonton to show up at my door and give me a lecture on being an all-around dick.
Could you imagine what Edmonton's superhero alliance would look like? I can see at least one of them in Ed Hardy. And another one wearing coveralls. And one with thick-rimmed glasses and skinny jeans. They would probably fight all of the time.
Okay, I am going to wrap this up, 'cause it is by far the weirdest fucking blog post I have ever written.
I had to deliver some ice to Fort Edmonton yesterday. So I pull up and they tell me to go down the street and make a right at the chapel to get to the Jasper Hotel. I do. There was a movie/commercial filming going on and I drove right on through it in my loud diesel van. Everybody on set gave me a dirty look and then I had to turn around and strut through it again. On my way out there was a sign that said don't make any loud sounds.
ReplyDeleteThe best part is there wasn't anybody at the Jasper Hotel to take the ice so it was all for nothing! I wonder how much money I cost that film company.
That's how you inconvenience people like you mean it.