Saturday, December 12, 2009

Uganda’s Attempt at Legalizing Genocide

When I heard about the Anti-Homosexuality Bill proposed by Ugandan MP David Bahati and supported by Ethics and Integrity Minister James Nsaba Buturo, I couldn't believe it. "Really?" I thought, "But the world has come so far!"

I was wrong. While it is true that there have been significant advances in gay rights in the last century, lately we have hit a stalemate. It seems the world is spinning its tires, gaining an inch but losing a foot.

For every President vowing to end the military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy, there is a state passing a proposition that steals rights from gays. For every openly gay female elected Prime Minister in Iceland, there is a province passing legislation that allows parents to raise their children to be oblivious to gay and lesbian rights. Every time a terrified teenager gathers up the courage to come out, a bill like the Ugandan one is proposed.

What does the bill entail? State sanctioned murder of people found guilty of "aggravated homosexuality," which is any sexual act between two gay partners where one has HIV; Life imprisonment for those who are unlucky enough to be gay; and jail for up to three years for people who fail to turn in people who they know are homosexuals. Oh, and let's not forget, imprisonment of up to seven years for people who defend gay rights.

The possible repercussions of this bill's passing would be enormous. Even George Orwell couldn't dream up a future so terrifying. Imagine a country where people are hunted down and killed for their sexual preference, where family members turn eachother over to the police, and friends, coworkers and lovers disappear, never to be heard from again. Not so utopian, but also not so far away.

Ugandan President Musveni has built a strong platform with his anti-gay views, and evangelical churches all over the country have strongly voiced their support of the bill. I suppose the power held by fundamentalist Christian churches in Uganda is just one of the many long-term side effects of British Imperialism.

For once, though, it means Stephen Harper and I have found some common ground. Harper's office has come out and publicly denounced the proposed bill, just as several nations have. The United States, France and Britain have all condemned the bill, citing human rights issues.

Condemning it, however, is not enough. If there is not significant international pressure, this bill will pass with little trouble. If this it does pass, it will effectively make genocide legal within Uganda's borders.

The governments of the world need to let Bahati, Buturo, and especially Museveni know that they will not stand idly by while foolish ideas based on hatred and misguided religious beliefs are made into law. The last time Western countries played passive spectator to something like this, the Holocaust began.

That may seem like an extreme comparison, but is it really? The only thing Jews did to earn the right to die was live Jewish, just as Ugandan gays have done nothing but live their lives unrepentant for their sexuality – unrepentant for who they are.

The passing of this bill will have massive global repercussions. If other countries, especially those controlled as heavily by religious organizations as Uganda is, see the success of this bill, they may view it as inspiration to enact their own anti-homosexuality legislation.

Let's hope that, as people all over the world become more aware of, and enraged by, this blatant violation of human rights, governments will begin to react appropriately. Otherwise, we will find ourselves in the same place we were many years ago – controlled by hatred and irrational thought.

In the Spirit of the Season, A Knock-off




The Night Santa Kicked Some Ass
or
The Night Before Christmas You Didn`t Hear About



`Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the home
All the screams they were muffled, (he used packing foam);
Billy and Sue tied to the sofa with care,
Hoping that the police would soon be there;
The children looked at each other, their eyes filled with dread;
While visions of what happened ran through their head.
And ma with some ether, and pa with some too,
The troublesome couple, he managed to subdue.
When up on the roof there arose such clatter;
The robber yearned to see what`s the matter.
Away to the den, he ran like a flash.
To make sure the kids were there, along with his stash.
The moon through the window, gave light to the events
That were to transpire – so fuckin` intense;
When what to the robber`s eyes did appear,
But a great cloud of ash, and some Rambo-like gear.
The ash disappeared, the robber’s heart dropped to his balls.
“Oh, hell,” he thought, “That’s a pissed off Santa Claus!”
St. Nick whistled, grinned and said to the thief,
“You’re so fucked, you’ll be shitting a wreath.”
"Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! on Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen!
Grab your guns, and Rudolph, your maul;

Tonight, we nail this Grinch’s ass to the wall!”
And like an inmate that is soon to get pounded,
The robber quickly found himself surrounded
By nine angry reindeer, who’re muscular to boot,
And that red-nosed one sure knows how to shoot.
Then in a twinkling, the robber tried to explain,
Staring at St. Nicks throbbing forehead vein.
“I needed money, I owe my bookie!”
Santa said, “To hell with milk and a cookie,
This is the best snack I’ve ever been given,
‘Cause soon, punk, you’ll not be livin’.”
“This year, while I may deliver toys
To Billy and Sue, and all the girls and boys
I’ll deliver a beating to your ass,” He said with a frown,
“Now, boys, if you will, ho, ho hold him down.”
And his eyes were like roses, and his fists like rocks,
He bore down on the thief (now squirming like a fox).
I won’t go in to detail, for it may offend some
But let this be a warning for those just so dumb,
As the robber was that night, to be naughty
(Or perhaps his timing was just plain shoddy).
You may end up like the robber, who we now know
Learned his lesson, as he was tossed in the snow.
And what happened to Billy and Sue?
Well, I thought you, and everyone else, knew!
Well, Santa set them free, and sent them to bed
Flashed a hearty smile, his beard stained with red,
Turned around, and shot away up the chute,
And into the night sky did he shoot!
And as his sleigh flew higher away from the roof,
(Now, for this you may call me a goof)
I heard him holler, as he flew over the town,
“MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, NOW DON’T FUCK AROUND!”


Since You Were Wondering Sarah, Here is a List

Sarah Palin has been invading every facet of my life lately.  I turn on the news and there is coverage of Palin.  I go to Chapters, there is her elementary vice principal smile shining on the cover of Going Rogue.  I go to any website, there are links to either her book or her possible presidential candidacy in 2012 (which would completely correspond with the ancient predictions of the end of the world).

I saw a girl dressed up like Palin at Halloween; she looked so much like her I forgot it was Halloween and ended up punching her in the jaw.  Apparently, I wasn’t the first.  She was getting cold-cocked the entire night, which may just prove that I am not the only one sick of Sarah Palin and her bullshit. 

So here it is – the only ways Sarah “Alaskan Pipeline” Palin* could get on my good side. She could:


  1.    .      Stop blaming her political ineptitude on everyone except herself.  I doubt it was Katie Couric who made her look like a simpleton on national television. There is only one person who is capable of such a feat:  Sarah Palin. 

    2.      Make an appearance at a town with some diversity.  I’m not talking about the towns she prefers stopping in, where everyone considers the one guy with a tan their “ethnic friend.”

    3.      Stop whoring out Trig, her son with Down’s syndrome.  The kid is going to have a hard enough life as it is; does he really need to be slung over her arm at every appearance all over America as a symbol of her bullshit compassion?  Or a reminder of her supposed unending devotion to her children? 

    4.      Admit she gave her kids stupid names.  I don’t even have to try to make fun of Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper, and Trig. 

    5.      Get her kids to shut the fuck up.  Of all people to talk about abstinence as the only effective form of birth control - Bristol?  Seriously?  The 18-year-old mother who named her kid (that she had with Levi Johnston, an all-around-douchebag-turned-playgirl-model) Tripp?  This must be some kind of practical joke someone is playing on the teens of America.  Jack Kerouac was on to something when he said that boys and girls in America don’t stand a chance. 

    6.      Back up the attempted down-home charm with some ridiculous P.R. stunts.  Some ideas:
    -Wild animal fights.  I’m talkin’ ‘bout wrasslin’ gators ‘n’ bears ‘n’ moose and all that.  No refs.
    -Pie bake-off with Cindy McCain.
    -After every speech, she should emphasize her position by shotgunning a beer. 
    -Endorse Carhartt’s new line of lingerie.

    7.      Actually stop and talk to the media when they have a question.  I mean the press corps, not Oprah. 
    8.      Get hit by a truck hauling Carhartt jackets and shotguns.  I don’t think that would make me like her, but I would enjoy the irony.  That’ll teach her to wear a Carhartt just for appearances.

    9.      Admit that Going Rogue is merely a laundry list of excuses carefully crafted by her handlers.

    10.  Suffer a humiliating defeat at the hands of a party with a better prepared, well-spoken, considerably more intelligent presidential candidate, preferably during one of the most exciting and opportunity-filled American elections in years.  Oh, wait...


For more information on abstinence-only sex education, see: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/bullshit
*Check out “Alaskan Pipeline” on Urbandictionary.com, it is way funnier than anything in this rant.